Forgiveness

Most of us battle with stress and anger because of all the grudges we hold against people. Because of all the hatred we have for them. Because of all the pain we are feeling. It is not wrong.
However, most of us tend to hold on to the hate, the hurt and the anger. This essentially means that we live our lives carrying all these negative emotions that do nothing but weigh us down. All because we choose to carry burdens that aren’t rightfully ours to carry.

Now I know this next part will sound redundant but it has to be said. Forgiveness relieves you of all that stress. It frees you from all those toxic emotions. It allows you to live freely and truly be happy.

Here’s what I learnt from my therapist; Forgiveness is not idiotic. Forgiveness does not only benefit the other party. Forgiveness helps you the most.
If you live your life carrying around all these negative emotions inflicted on you by other people, you are inevitably allowing those people to control how you feel and steal your happiness.

It is definitely not easy to just let go and forgive someone. Especially if you have to forgive them without getting an apology. But, I guarantee that once you forgive those people and regain control over your emotions; you will question why you hadn’t done it sooner.

Now there’s something we rarely want to address, and that is our inability to forgive ourselves. This is way harder than forgiving someone else. We blame ourselves for everything that goes wrong in life even when it wasn’t our fault. This keeps us trapped in self-loathing.
Yes, it is hard to forgive yourself for things feel like you are responsible for but the first step is to remember that IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT and also remember that we are all imperfect and we make mistakes. This means we are worthy of forgiveness.

Here’s my input:
Life is too precious to be wasted on self loathing and hatred. Forgive others. Forgive YOURSELF. It does not make you foolish, it simply gives you way more happiness. You deserve happiness.
Let go.

Venting 101

According to the urban dictionary, Venting is the act of blowing off steam; usually done when one is angry or stressed. So in this post I’m going to discuss constructive venting and how it helped me.

So what people need to understand first is that there is a correct and an incorrect way to vent. Most people actually vent incorrectly and later they find themselves saying that it doesn’t work (btw I used to be one of those people).

Here’s how you know that you are venting correctly:
1. You do not blame others. Blaming others while you are venting is better described as complaining. I agree that external factors (eg people) may contribute to your stress,depression, anxiety etc. But venting deals with what YOU are feeling, how YOU react to certain things and why YOU are depressed or sad. It does you no good to direct your thoughts to people’s actions. It only inhibits peace and happiness because you never actually understand or deal with your feelings instead, you focus on all the things people have done to you and remain miserable.
2. You stick to one topic. It is never a good idea to bring a whole bunch of issues to the table and expect good results. The main goal of venting is to generate solutions to your problems. However, you can never work on solutions if you mention a whole bunch of things all at once and expect a person to grasp everythingyou’ve said. Doing this overwhelms both you and the person you are venting to. Rather deal with one matter at a time and move on to the next one once you have finished discussing the previous one.
3. You own up to your mistakes. A whole lot of people avoid this and this is why they think venting is ineffective. With constructive venting comes Self introspection. You are not perfect, no one is. You need to identify and acknowledge your mistakes so you can work on them. You cannot continuously highlight other people’s mistakes and choose to ignore your own. Most of the time, we play a huge role in our stress and problems and owning up to our mistakes helps us better ourselves and deal with whatever it is we are going through.
4. You work on a solution together. If your idea of venting is just talking about your problems, the things you’re going through and what people have done to you then you’re not doing yourself a favour, you’re simply depressing yourself. When I started seeing my psychologist I was very skeptical about the whole venting thing until I started doing it correctly. We didn’t just waste time talking about my problems, but we unpacked them and actively dealt with the root of all my problems. We also worked on understanding my feelings and my reaction to certain things. That way, we could work on solutions and I could start dealing with my problems. That is why I know that venting works, because I did it correctly.
5. You feel way better after the conversation.

With that said I also need to inform you of the correct people to vent to. Most of us (me included) make it a habit to vent to the wrong people and end up regretting it afterwards. The first group of people you can vent to are people who have contributed to your stress, depression, anxiety etc. It’s always a good idea to talk to people about about the bad things they’ve done to you and how they’ve affected you. This way you’ll be getting things off your chest, making the other person aware (this is because sometimes people aren’t aware that their actions have affected you in any way) and then moving on. The second group of people you can vent to are professionals who are qualified to listen to you and help you feel better (I am referring to psychologists). They understand human emotions and they will be able to guide you and help you deal with your problems in a healthy manner. If you wish to speak to a psychologist but cannot afford a private psychologist, below are eight free counseling centers in SA you can choose from:


• LifeLine Johannesburg- They offer free counselling and 24-hour telephonic counselling for all ages and any issues you are faced with. Life Line centres can be found in Norwood, Soweto, and Alexandra.
• LifeLine Western Cape- They have a 09:30 to 22:00 running counselling line. Or you can WhatsApp call them between 10:00 and 14:00 on 063 709 2620.
• South African depression and anxiety group- They offer free telephonic counseling daily from 08:00 -20:00. They also have a 24 hour helpline for emergencies
• Grace counseling- Situated in Durban
• Revive counseling center- Based in Port Elizabeth. Contact this number for any further information 041 373 8882/3
• Hope house counseling center- Situated in Cape Town
• IThemba counseling center- Situated in gauteng

Protecting your peace

Over the past few weeks I finally realised essential elements to consider when looking for a peaceful life and I can’t wait to share it with you! Once I started practicing these, I began being more peaceful.

So here goes: •You need to begin understanding that you come first. So, never give up your peace to accommodate someone. Be self centered ( BECAUSE YOU ARE WAY MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYONE IN YOUR LIFE) • Indentify certain people or places that make you feel uneasy. •Once you’ve identified these people and places decide whether they’re worth the fight or not. If they are worth it communicate with that person and make them understand how they make you feel. However, if someone is not worth it RESPECT your peace and kindly cut them off( you don’t even have to be kind about it) NB this is not cowardice! •Never be apologetic about the decisions you make. You never need to justify yourself. • Finally, remember that you come first! Never let anyone steal your peace.

I hope this will help you♡

Sleeping

You know, people (especially my mother lol) are shocked by the amount of time I spend sleeping. I do not blame them at all because I sleep excessively! But, I do not sleep because I’m exhausted or anything like that.I know that a lot of people would like to understand why people who live with mental illnesses sleep like bears in hibernation. I personally sleep because it’s an escape from reality. When I’m asleep I can be whoever I want to be. I can be happy, I can be beautiful, I can be tall, I can be anything I want to be. When I am sleeping I am transported into an alternate magical universe where everything goes my way, where everyone is kind and I get to be truly happy. But, I don’t love sleeping only because I can become a whole different person. I love sleeping because when I’m sleeping, no one can “unintentionally” hurt my feelings, I don’t get a wave of unexpected and unexplainable sadness, I don’t get heartaches and most importantly I don’t have to deal with any mental illnesses. I can be the ten year old me,who was always happy and stress-free. Although these are all personal opinions, I know a lot of people can relate. I know sleeping is just another way of escaping from our problems temporarily, but we all deserve a break from life’s hardships once in a while and sleeping is one of those breaks. So if you are having a bad day, just nap it out♡.

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